Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Thin Caffeinated Line

Do you know what a line is?


It's a queue of a diverse group of people waiting to achieve a goal of some kind.


A common line is one at Starbucks, when it's 830 in the morning, I've been up since 530 for the gym--


--and I want my God damn caffeine before the rage I withhold for this blog works like radiated gamma rays to transform me into a maniac so crazy that he wears purple slacks.


So I'm in line, doing what one does in line, moving forward until the obese woman in front of you orders a caramel macchiato frap (but with only a little whip cream — because she's on a diet, you see)--


--and it's your turn to order and pay for your over-priced, burnt, bitter beverage.

BUT NO ONE ELSE IS DOING THAT?

The barista is not your homeroom teacher taking roll call. They should not be repeating the same thing over and over and over again?

"Next in line...Next in line...Next in line"

You know you're getting close to the front of the line, so why are you not paying attention to the line but twiddling around on your phone, checking your OKCupid messages.
(Between you and me, he's NOT the one)

"I enjoy light jazz, dry comedy and strangling women with telephone wire."

I believe Ned Beatty (the more attractive Beatty in my opinion) said it best:

"YOU ARE MEDDLING WITH THE PRIMAL FORCES OF NATURE! AND YOU WILL ATONE!"

This isn't just your line, to keep at a pace of your liking. It's all of ours. We share this experience together and communally, but still have a personal responsibility to do our part to keep it flowing perennially to its forgone conclusion — MY GOD DAMN COFFEE.

I think it was Marx who originally said that.

No, not that Marx, the other one.


Eh, close enough.

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