Weinin' in the Rain

“This rain, huh?”

Yes, YES, I get it Los Angeles. It doesn’t rain here that often.

But, but you’ve seen rain before, yes? Ah, yes. Granted it was from a giant machine to film an emotional scene in some nondescript Ryan Reynolds rom-com filming on your block.

But you’re aware of the concept behind rain? Maybe you’d have the right to act confused and surprised if instead of tiny droplets of water falling from the sky, it was a torrent of those little toasters with wings that used to be your screensaver.

That would throw me. Then I might be disturbed by the weather. But honestly, quit acting like it’s suddenly become Day After Tomorrow out there.

It happens. Throw on a coat, grab an umbrella and just keep your mouth shut.

But you know what’s worse than that?

“I mean, I’m from the East Coast, so this is nothing. People don’t know how to drive out the rain here.”

First of all, you’re not here on sabbatical from your position as headmaster of Exeter. Okay?

"The janitorial workers latrine is named in honor of my family."

You’re from Camden, NJ.

So enough with the self-aggrandizing posh, okay?

That being said… I’m from the East Coast and guess what?

They drive like shit there too.

People can’t drive ANYWHERE. It’s not a regional thing, like lobster rolls or okra.

Have you ever driven on the Jersey Turnpike? I’ve sat in so many hours of traffic b/c of rubberneckers looking across the divide at accidents that I’ve managed to study for two degrees from University of Phoenix Online in the process.

Multi-tasking. That’s how I roll.