I was heading up Wilshire early this morning to
panhandle for bus fare to my cushy office job when I saw a startling line outside on the sidewalk.
Since this is Los Angeles I’d normally assume a line outside a set of doors was for a movie premiere or screening. But this was before 9am, and not even the porn theaters are open yet.
How do I know that? Because they're the only place to see films that adhere to the Brechtian ideals of Epic theater anymore.
"Golden Shower Highlights 3 provides the exact kind of climactic catharsis I was actually referring to."
No, this line was waiting outside the Nike Store. And why? For a new sneaker release.
I want to set the record straight about sneaker obsession. And not just to my Asian and African-American readers, but to people of all races because
I’m legally obligated to I think it’s an issue that we are all responsible for.
It’s really f*cking stupid.
If the only way you can get people to notice you, is by having them stare at your feet, I think you should be spending your money on therapy and not over-priced swatches of leather and lace that some overpaid basketball player let his agent and manager work out with overpaid art designers at Nike.
These aren’t shoes he personally wore and sweat into. That I could almost understand. ALMOST, I said.
I was on line at a Foot Locker recently, wondering why they only sold basketball shorts that even the Elephant Man would find too baggy—
"But won't these fall off when I try to dunk?"
--when the guy in front of me buying the $200 pair of Lamar-whoevers that will get scuffed up the minute he steps out in them, glancing at an ad for a player’s newly dropped sneaker, was aghast to hear from the Cashier that they were selling extremely well.
“People are sheep, man. People are sheep. They’ll buy anything,” he said, shaking his head. If I thought he could wrap his head around the concept of irony, I would have mentioned it to him.
Remember when in the 90s when Reebok Pumps were the greatest things out there. So great in fact, that there was an instance of someone getting killed and his Pumps stolen.
How stupid do you think those thieves feel today? They risked the death penalty and killed a guy over SNEAKERS that would only look right if they were on display in the same antique store Marty bought the Sports Almanac from.