And to also remind myself how clever I am.
Dudes, so congrats passing that history exam of yours, but all those hilarious, goofy guys you travelled back in time to help you, most of them get seriously fucked up after this so-called “excellent adventure” of yours…
The least you could have done is warn them or something.
Let’s take a gander…
Socrates: People in Athens got pissed b/c he was smarter than them and had him tried, found guilty, and forced to drink deadly poison.
Joan of Arc: Maybe if you weren’t so busy trying to get under her chainmaille, you might have remembered to give her a heads up on that whole ‘tried as a heretic and BURNED ALIVE AT THE STAKE’ thing she’d have endure down the road. How painful do you think that was for her? But yeah, she probably didn’t want any kind of warning or anything.
That certainly looks like fun, no? Thanks guys.
Billy the Kid: So not only was he a wanton murderer to begin with, he was also violently gunned down in New Mexico at 21.
Abe Lincoln: I mean, really? Not even like a “You probably should avoid Ford's Theater if you can”? The guy brought an end to slavery…no heads up?
Sigmund Freud: Granted Freud lived into his eighties, he was alive to see his books burned by the Nazis and then had to flee to England once Hitler annexed Austria. Oh, and he also committed suicide to avoid a battle with oral cancer.
Beethoven: Basically the guy shat and vomited himself to death.
But I’m glad you had a good time at the mall with him.
You guys are always saying ‘Be excellent to each other.’ How about you start by being excellent to your friends?